Gene Owens

Chickens flee coops, joy ride in coupes
By Gene Owens

"Chicken coupes for sale for offshore artificial reefs," ran the ad in the Bayou Bullfrog Daily Croak.

Ben Shaw of Clarke County, Ala., was startled at this indication of poultry affluence. Now we know why the chicken crossed the road: to get behind the wheel of its coupe after long hours of confinement in its coop.

Bubba is aware that wrecked automobiles are often dumped offshore to create artificial reefs, which make good habitat for fish. But he feels pretty sure that the ad Ben saw refers to coops -- the small structures that house chickens, turkeys and other poultry. He doesn't guarantee that they will create good fishing offshore, but he reckons they're easier to transport and dump than coupes are.

A coupe is an automobile with two doors and a front seat. A coupe may have a back seat, but it's good only for kids and mothers-in-law. The word was adapted from coupŽ -- pronounced "coo-pay" -- which referred to a carriage with enclosed seating for two and an open seat for the driver. The word is from the French for a blow or a cut. When the automobile came along, English speakers whacked the accent off the word and the car became a one-syllable coupe, pronounced "coop," as in chicken coop.

The word "coop" is of Germanic origin and originally referred to a basket or a tub.

"Uncle Hadacol's brother Geritol had a Ford V-8 coupe back in the '50s," said Floyd. "He used to play chicken with "Hotrod" Harrigan out on Devil Swamp Road. They would have hit head-on if Uncle Geritol hadn't swerved at the last minute and run the coupe into the swamp. After that, Hotrod called it a 'chicken' coupe."

"What happened to it?" asked Homer.

"Uncle Geritol sold it for junk and it ended up in an offshore reef," said Floyd.

(Readers may reach Bubba through Gene Owens at 1004 Cobbs Glen Drive, Anderson SC 29621, or through e-mail at WadesDixieco@aol.com)

Don't grasp podium if you have a bad back
By Gene Owens

Spencer Frost of Mobile, Ala., was upset to learn that Webster's now gives "lectern" as a synonym for "podium."

Like a lot of literate Americans, he had assumed that a podium was something to stand on while a lectern was something to place your notes or text on while you stand on the podium to speak or conduct an orchestra.

"I would very much like to see you write one of your great essays about ....this idiotic idea that general usage should prevail over correct usage," Spencer said.

The word "podium" is derived from a Latin word meaning "foot." In architecture, a podium is a platform. In music, it's the platform on which the conductor plants his feet to lead the orchestra. In public speaking, it's the platform the speaker stands on. In Olympic competition, it's the platform on which the medalists stand to receive their applause.

Over time, the word has been applied to the stand with a sloping top on which a speaker can rest text or notes. That object is more properly called a lectern. The word comes from the Latin for "read."

Webster's Dictionary of English Usage defends the parent company's equating of "lectern" and "podium" by asserting that it was only recognizing common usage. The average reader understands that when you write, "The speaker grasped the podium" you mean that he grabbed hold of the lectern, not that he got down on his knees or belly and grasped the platform, it maintains.

"Floyd wanted me to give him one of my Twinkies for lunch, but I told him I ain't got none left for myself, much less for him," said Homer.

"That's perfectly horrid English," said Miss Lulabelle.

"'Tain't neither," said Homer. "The average reader understands what I mean."

(Readers may reach Bubba through Gene Owens at 1004 Cobbs Glen Drive, Anderson SC 29621, or through e-mail at WadesDixieco@aol.com)

Too many 'stuffs' are stuffed into language
By Gene Owens

Bubba has a friend in Eufala, Okla., who is stuffed to the gills with young people's overuse of the verb "stuff."

"So many of my young friends use it constantly," she said. And since she wants them to remain friends, she asked Bubba not to use her name.

The noun "stuff" is a legitimate word, rooted in Anglo-French. "Estuffes" meant "goods," and it was derived from the verb "estuffer," which meant "to fill in with rubble." The ultimate ancestor is a vulgar Latin word meaning "stop." So if you stuff stuff into your drain, you will stop it up.

The Oxford English Dictionary gives "stuff" dignity as a noun. It defines it as "matter, material, articles or activities of a specified or indeterminate kind." It also defines it as "basic characteristics or substance," and, informally, "one's area of expertise."

The overuse comes from its adoption as a catch-all word similar to the Latin "et cetera."

"We're going to the mall and play video games and stuff," a young person might tell Aunt Eller. Or "I like computer science but I hate history and English and stuff," as Buck's nephew Fincastle is likely to say.

"When it comes to tuning an engine, Floyd knows his stuff," says Miss Lulabelle, using "stuf" to mean "area of expertise."

"If you keep drinking that stuff, it's gonna kill you," Hortense told Luther after Prof. Claptrap escorted him home from the Red Eye Saloon.

"We surfeited ourselves on gin and stuff," Claptrap explained as he helped Luther up the steps. The professor can't say "et cetera" after more than three martinis.

(Readers may reach Bubba through Gene Owens at 1004 Cobbs Glen Drive, Anderson SC 29621, or through e-mail at WadesDixieco@aol.com)